I think it's time. Time for me to deactivate my deviant art account.
I just.. I do not feel right. I've only been here for at least a month, and I'm already ready to quit. I'm such a wuss, aren't I? I never truly discovered the wonders of dA and I'm already ready to go bye-bye.
I feel like every flipping thing I draw is complete and utter shit!
And the fact that I post them online for everyone else to see drives me insane. I start panicking, knowing that my mediocre drawings will just go unnoticed as usual,
I tend to to get emotional everytime I post something on dA pertaining to art. I do not do it for popularity, not at all, but I.. I just can't handle my anxiety when it comes to strangers all over the world who would shed even one small glance at my stupid, HORRIBLE, anatomically incorrect art. I did fine without dA and only drew for the sake of myself. I would often show my work to my friends, if anything. But now that I have a dA, and I submit most of my work on here, I just feel so unclean, like I've committed a crime and I'll have to face the consequences. Compared to a majority of the artists on here, I have no talent what so ever, and I often think I do not deserve to have a dA.
When I first got my dA account a month ago, I had 16 deviations. I posted my deviations feeling quite proud, but then... I felt so insecure nearly a few weeks later. Like, I was blinding everyone's eyes with my - once again - shitty artwork.
One day I was browsing through my gallery for the fun of it, and I saw some of my work which I found to be very ugly and terrible in terms of shading, anatomy, and overall quality. You know what I did? I deleted most of them, and I ended up with 10 deviations. Words cannot describe how much anger, sadness and disappointment was welling up inside me.
A week later I did the EXACT same thing. Uploaded some more work, then deleted them due to me finding some terrible, unfortunate drawing mistakes that I didn't want anyone to even look at. My insecure nature took over and wiped the art right off my gallery. I will never upload those EVER again. I just can't. My creativity level isn't as active as it used to be when I was a young girl. I can't even bare to look at my drawings without cringing. Whenever I look at someone else's artwork, whether they are skilled or unskilled, I feel discouraged. I feel like I wouldn't be able to put that much effort into my work and get the same overall quality. I often hate myself for even drawing, but in the near future I'd like to become an animator. Drawing is all I have...
Not only that, But I feel like I'm limiting myself to drawing the crap that I usually draw. I feel like an idiot. I feel left out..
Where's the talent?
I don't have any..
No amount of practice is going to get me ANYWHERE!!
Because I literally fail at everything.
I just want to leave dA and never come back!
Because I don't belong here, and my art would never be appreciated here.
By tomorrow I will make up my mind whether or not I'll leave dA. Although, I'm 99.9% sure I'm leaving. Forever. I just need some time to think and clear my thoughts.
I typed this rant to alert any of my watchers, who care enough to even look at this, and also who I think don't deserve to waste their time on an untalented person such as myself. A lot of you must have your inboxes flooded, so I understand if you didn't want to read this block of silly text.